If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Type of Commandment: Love and Brotherhood - it's # 28 on the list

Commandment: Not to wrong any one in speech

Where does it come from: Leviticus 25:17 - an online New International Version quotes this as "Do not take advantage of each other, but fear your God. I am the Lord your God" - which I realize makes you say "um, are you new at looking up bible verses?!?!?!" - yep, this one made me do a little research too. My oh-so-official list of commandments leads me to check out the section on "Speech and Lashon Ha-Ra" (I have a sort of funny and informative story about this, but will have to include that below)... which instructs me that the tradition tells us that we are not to wrong one another with our speech.

How might you follow this?: OK, so I guess here's where my funny story works in - my dad and I were at something (probably the film fest) at the Conservative synagogue in Calgary and there's a poster with some rules (or guidelines or however you'd prefer to word that) and one of them has a picture of a person with their finger in front of their mouth (like to say "SHHHH!!!") and says lashon hara with one of those little red circles with a line through it (like a no smoking sign!) - anyways I didn't have the slightest clue what we were meant to do, other than keep quiet (as my grandmother would have said) while stuff was going on. Dad and I were back at the synagogue with my uncle, and we asked him if he knew what it meant (I think I forgot to mention that my dad's Hebrew isn't very conversationally great - he can read it and he knows how to pronounce stuff but doesn't necessarily know what it means). So when we asked, my uncle said that it meant not to gossip.

So, all that said - it seems to me that you don't gossip, which is on the surface a pretty simple task. Of course, we humans know that it's a little tougher because gossip is usually so juicy.

I guess this is an appropriate time for me to think through my life and gossip. I have to admit, I love to gossip. It's not something I'm proud of, it's just who I am. I just love delivering those juicy, delicious pieces of gossip to my friends and certainly to my family. BUT, I do realize that gossip can hurt and so I try to keep stuff under wraps if and when I can. Those around me, especially those closest to me, probably know that I'm not great at this though.

Interestingly, I've been thinking about this blog since Marlon, my dear and talented friend from my Birthright trip, kindly tweeted at me to blog again (I was actually so touched to have a request, so thanks again Marlon). What I've been considering is the order in which I present these mitzvot. It will obviously be much more meaningful (and make more sense, since I kind of see these mitzvot as an attempt at an instruction manual for life) to find the mitzvot that I can apply to my life currently. And I think this one really fits, not just because I have that thing that I want to share, but also because at work we've been working on a really cool communication plan.

Two of my coworkers took part in a workshop about Sacred Commerce (based on this book, written by the owners of Cafe Gratitude in California), which I would explain a bit but I don't really understand enough about it. Essentially, it's a bunch of practices to improve communication in the workplace so that you're treating work in a more uplifted fashion - like acknowledging coworkers for being who they are (not things they do - like you might acknowledge that a coworker is very intelligent or brave or generous or something). It's really a group of uncomfortable practices, but the ones we've been introduced and tried out at work so far actually seem pretty awesome and emotionally mature, which is something I need to work on.

Based on some Sacred Commerce practices, we all had a potluck and a conversation about how we would like to communicate in our office - what kinds of guidelines do we think we can adopt so that we communicate in a better, healthier way amongst ourselves? I can't remember all the stuff we discussed and came up with, but one example is that we will bring issues up to people immediately and try and work through them instead of just holding them in and letting them stew until they become a big problem. So yeah, that's pretty uncomfortable, but it's a good idea. And the reason this long, drawn out conversation is related to this post is that these practices can help alleviate the desire to gossip. Or at least that's the idea.

Why might this have been commanded in the first place?: Because gossip can really hurt people. When stuff's going on behind your back, it's no fun. I think we all have experienced that before.

What are some benefits to following this today?: We need to treat one another better in general, and this no gossip rule is a really good way to start practicing that. We treat each other so poorly, at least in a lot of ways. This is such a simple solution, even though it isn't easy (yes, simple but not easy... is that OK?)

What are some drawbacks to following this today?: Yeah, it's not easy. How fun is it to gossip? Maybe next time we can all give talking to the person we want to gossip about instead of spreading things around about them that may not be true.